Board of Trustees Seeks Student Opinions: “The Student We Pick Is Kyle”

CHAPEL HILL, NC — Following a contentious meeting yesterday, the Board of Trustees realized there was a real need to garner student opinions on the controversial issues faced by the university.

“We know they are problems,” said Vice Chancellor for Student Affairs Winston Crisp, “and we want to get student perspectives. Specifically Kyle’s. That guy is awesome.”

This afternoon, Crisp met with Kyle, a junior Art History and History double major and “really amazing kid,” to discuss the many problems ailing the UNC community. Crisp sent Kyle a Google Poll earlier in the morning to collect his preliminary opinions on issues ranging from coal divestment to “if you would want to just hang out in the South Building sometime.”

Chancellor Carol Folt backed the decision to seek student views on the issues of the day. “When we’re discussing decisions that affect campus so profoundly, bringing a student voice to the table is imperative,” Folt said. “Kyle’s voice.”

“Kyle is so chill,” Folt continued. “For me, it’s not even that Kyle represents other students. I just want him to like me.”

Sources close to Kyle say he was “surprised and honored” to have his opinion sought by the trustees, but also that it “seemed kind of natural he’d be the one they’d go to,” considering the one time Kyle sent the DTH a never-to-be published letter about tuition rates.

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