Madness Mistaken For March Madness

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CHAPEL HILL, NC — Commenting on his odd behavior in the last few weeks,  friends and classmates described UNC sophomore Skyler Currybottom, who is in fact addled by crippling psychotic disorders, as “just another fan swept up in March Madness.”

“He’s just like any other real basketball fan,” said Currybottom’s suitemate Tripp Mitchell, “I think we all go a little nuts this time of a year.”

Mitchell said he first noticed that Currybottom “was a real fan,” on Tuesday night, when he came upon a large branching emblem smeared in a dark, viscous substance on the wall of their Morrison common room.

“I remember saying, ‘Dope bracket bro, who ya got going all the way?’ He said something about the devils caught in the sun of life, so I guess he meant Arizona State. What a weird pick,” Mitchell recalled.

Trisha Verlader, who sat next to Currybottom in their Econ 101 lecture on Monday, said she noticed the haggard, unshaven student furiously scribbling what appeared to be complex statistical calculations and repeated mantras during class, with dozens of ESPN tabs open on his laptop in front of him.

“He filled up two binders in one class, writing line after line of numbers and symbols,” said Verlader. “I guess he’s a real stats fanatic. I sure wouldn’t want to be in his bracket pool.”

Coming back to their dorm Wednesday night, Chris Tezler, Currybottom’s roommate, found the sophomore curled in the corner with a pair of scissors and hundreds of copies of a Daily Tar Heel issue featuring Marcus Paige on the cover.

“He was cutting out all the mouths, taping them to the floor to spell out ‘FIRST,'” said Tezler. “I guess we all have our superstitious rituals before game time. I couldn’t agree more: Paige needs to step it up in the first half.”

According to Campus Health, dismissing madness as March Madness is not uncommon .

“The best way of discerning between March Madness and actual madness is showing the friend, family member, or loved one clips of Dick Vitale and seeing how they react,” said Sara Stahlman, Campus Health official. “People afflicted by March Madness and no other ailment usually yell at the screen and storm out of the room while those with serious mental diseases nod along in agreement to what Vitale says.”

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