Election 2014: Traffic Cone, The Rock

This week, The Minor is profiling the candidates running for student body president. Today, we get to know Traffic Cone.

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CHAPEL HILL, NC – Traffic Cone always knew he would end up at UNC.

“I grew up with it,” he said. “My family and I would come to every UNC basketball game to help direct traffic. Even then, I knew that I wanted to call this place home.”

A stellar high school student, Traffic Cone burst onto campus with energy and enthusiasm after being admitted to UNC. Early in his first year, he took a leading role in Safewalk, establishing a program called Students Pointing Out Things That Evoke Danger (SPOTTED) to raise awareness about slippery surfaces and potholes on campus.

“I started [SPOTTED] because that’s something I really believe in – pointing out a problem without really posing a solution,” he said. “That’s exactly what UNC needs in a student body president.”

Throughout his childhood, Traffic Cone was called a pushover for his diminutive stature and pointy shape, but he quickly learned to make up for this with bright colors and a winning personality.

“I used to be worried that I stand out – it made me the object of ridicule. However, now I use it to my advantage in order to keep my community safe.”

Last year, Traffic Cone built a reputation for standing guard around missing bricks outside Ram’s Head. An easy face to recognize, he managed to collect the signatures he needed to get on the student body president ballot in a record-setting three hours. He took this as a strong endorsement for his platform of Safety, Awareness, and Pointing Things Out, and has been campaigning on those points ever since.

“I think students are really concerned with the same issues that I am. And as student body president, I will work hard to bring attention to these issues.”

When asked about what he would do to solve these issues, Traffic Cone countered that “more than anything, it’s about visibility rather than action.”

Traffic Cone chose not to respond to questions about his alleged nightly habit of getting inserted into and stacked on top of other cones, a rumor that is sure to persist come election day.

Election 2014: Winners and Losers at the Young Democrats Forum

As election season heats up, The Minor will have all the coverage as it breaks. Our Senior Intrepid Political Reporters,  Carly Burns and Bobbi Wood, are on the pulse of the story, with constant news updates on the politics shaping our campus.

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The first debate between student body president candidates is in the books. After Wilson Parker, President of the Young Democrats, gaffed the opening coin toss, the proceedings began, and candidates brawled over policies for a little over an hour. So, who won and who lost?

Winners

Lee Storrow-

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One hundred percent of the candidates said that they supported the liberal stalwart in the the 2013 Town Council race, despite the fact that he was not up for re-election last year. An extremely strong showing.

Andrew Powell-

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Despite a difficult start in the debate, Powell more than made up for it by sharing hard statistics about real problems and advocating big ideas.

Emilio Vicente-

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Despite a difficult start in life, Vicente more than made up for it by defying hard statistics about real problems and advocating big ideas.

Blind Lemon Jefferson-

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Interrupting Wilson Parker’s introduction to the debate with a bluesy wail that came from the depths of his soul, Jefferson captivated the crowd. No one gave one good-god-damn who could strum the guitar best that day, only who had the heart to sing for something simple as a long day’s work.

John Kerry-

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Kerry gave a polished performance, but his locally tailored references to Sean May and Franklin Street Pizza and Pasta seemed dated.

UNC Young Democrats-

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In order to avoid embarrassing their progressive reputation, Young Dems gracefully talked themselves into endorsing Emilio, despite his relatively bland performance.

Losers

Strange red-haired man-

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No one was sure why this man stood near the candidates and spoke intermittently. Some speculated he was Andrew Powell’s helper.

Traffic cone-

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The cone seemed stiff at times, unwilling to let the student body in.

Nikita Shamdasani-

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An interception late in the third quarter sealed her fate.

UNC Young Democrats-

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In order to avoid embarrassing their progressive reputation, Young Dems gracefully talked themselves into endorsing Emilio, despite his relatively bland performance.