Students Celebrate Start of Spring Semester by Hastily Half-Assing Winter Break Projects


CHAPEL HILL, NC— In keeping with treasured tradition, UNC students rang in the spring semester by rolling up their sleeves, silently cursing themselves, and half-assing the numerous projects that they had resolved to complete over winter break.

Like so many of her peers, UNC sophomore Tara Jennings had a bold agenda for her time off from school. Having planned to update bylaws, compile a detailed events calendar, and write a strategic plan for the Honors Co-Ed Environmental Service Fraternity of which she is co-president, Jennings emailed the club listserv about a yet-to-be-scheduled general interest meeting soon after unpacking in her Morrison dorm.

Her hall-mate Jeremy Yimrish could relate. Soon after finishing final exams in December, Yimrish announced his intention to spend winter break reading a variety of novels and memoirs “just for pleasure, like [he has] been meaning to do forever.” Yesterday afternoon, Yimrish reportedly skimmed the first 12 pages of Malcolm Gladwell’s latest book while sitting on the toilet.

For junior Timothy Benson, winter break held professional ambitions. In search of an internship for next summer, Benson had resolved to rewrite his resume, compose cover letters, and apply for approximately two dozen positions in the few weeks between semesters. Cracking an energy drink in the terminal of his flight back to Chapel Hill, Benson updated the GPA on the resume that he used when he applied to the business school and emailed a friend who got an internship last year to ask her for old cover letters.

“Most of these aren’t due until February, anyway,” Benson thought to himself as he boarded his flight.

Asked to weigh in on the annual kick-off to the spring semester, social anthropology professor Julius DeLillo criticized students for their reliably underwhelming fulfillment of winter break goals.

“Students need to stop kidding themselves about what they can get done over break,” DeLillo said. “Maybe with maturity, they’ll learn to stop procrastinating and do better work,” he added before turing back to his computer, highlighting several paragraphs of a colleague’s syllabus, and pressing ‘Command+C’ on his keyboard.

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