“The Struggle is Real,” Agrees Homeless Man on Franklin Street

CHAPEL HILL, NC — En route to the library at 1:00 am, Alexis Pikeny, sophomore biology major, said to friend Noam Suttons, “the struggle is real.” Lying defeated on a bench near Ye Old Waffle Shop, homeless man George Phillips nodded his head in agreement.

“Too true,” thought the 63 year-old man who had not eaten a hot meal since Saturday, “I haven’t seen a friendly face in years, and I can’t remember what it feels like for someone to care whether I live or die. It’s a struggle.”

“I’ve gotten, like, one hour of sleep the past few days,” complained Pikeny, as he walked past Phillips with frozen yogurt in hand.

“I can’t tell the difference between sleep and waking anymore,” thought Phillips. “Concrete hurts and dreams of the war still haunt me. It was rougher in the jungles of ‘Nam, but at least I had someone by my side.”

As they walked past the man suffering from worsening malnutrition, Suttons and Pikney also discussed their many friends “riding the struggle bus.”

Phillips, who has slept with all his possessions laid in a circle around him for the past 17 years and actually rides the bus, could not agree more.

“Old Seymour, he’s probably got it worse than I do,” thought the man who is yelled at by drunk college students most nights. “At least my mind hasn’t gone and I haven’t started stealing. I’m still me. I’m still a man.”

As the students strode on, Pikeny quipped, “I’m just holding on until midterms are over,” to which Suttons responded with a laugh, “but finals are right around the corner.”

“The winter is worst of all,” Phillips thought. “Guess it’ll be the struggle bus for a little while longer for me.”

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New Google+ Employee: “I Got a Job at Google”

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CHAPEL HILL, NC — Gleefully calling his mother after getting a job offer from Google+, Trevor Anderson, senior computer science major, exclaimed, “Mom, you won’t believe it: I got a job at Google! At Google!”

As an analytics expert for the social network, Anderson will be one of the many employees and few users of Google+.

“At Google, I’ll be working on the products that people use everyday,” said the man who will not be, because his job is with Google+. “I can not believe I have this opportunity to continue the life-changing work over at Google.”

After discovering later in the conversation that her son’s position is specifically with Google+, Sharon Anderson, Trevor’s mother, responded, “Oh, that seems different doesn’t it? You kind of got my hopes up, is all. Makes sense it was Google+ I guess.”

Expected to begin work this summer in the Google+ offices in Phoenix, Arizona, Anderson has begun sharing the good news with friends and family via Facebook.