Miss UNC To Win 78 Cents On Every Dollar Won By Mr. UNC

mister miss unc

CHAPEL HILL, NC— In a continuation of university policy, the winner of the 2014 Miss UNC election will receive 78 cents on every dollar given to her male counterpart towards their respective service project.

“The Mr. and Miss UNC election is dedicated to celebrating the Carolina traditions of scholarship, leadership and philanthropy while preparing our students for the real world,” said General Alumni Association President Walter Folwell. “So, this just seemed accurate.”

“Who wants to get some pizza? We’ve got free pizza,” he added.

The majority of the student body has overlooked the funding gap between Mr. and Miss UNC winners, which has allegedly existed since the inception of the program.

“They win money?” asked sophomore Alyssa Valmer. “I thought it was just a beauty pageant.”

But, some students are calling for change.

“People are saying that whoever wins Mr. UNC should give up his extra funding as an act of solidarity with Miss UNC,” said candidate Randall Mathers. “But would you take away 22% of the benches I’m planning to build for disabled Latino students in Carrboro? I don’t think so.”

At this time, the UNC GAA has yet to announce any plans to reform the program, saying only “[they would] rather not rock the boat.”

The GAA has made no reforms to the program since the change from “Mrs. UNC” to “Miss UNC” in the late 80s.

“The important thing to remember is that Miss UNC is getting funding in the first place,” said Folwell. “Not to mention, I’ve never heard a single one of them say ‘thank you.’”

“Next thing you know Folt will be asking for Thorp’s salary” he added. “Some things just don’t need changing.”

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