Child Playing On Upper Quad Wonders What “Dildo” Means

upper quad child

CHAPEL HILL, NC—Overhearing the conversation of three college students on the upper quad this morning, Trevor Grason, 5th grader, was introduced to, and subsequently contemplated, the word “dildo” and its possible meanings.

Grason was playing football on the small lawn in front of the Morehead Planetarium with other members of Ms. Newhart’s 5th grade class when three male college students walked past discussing the previous weekend’s activities.

“Dude, you wouldn’t even go out with us on Saturday. Fuck that,” said the tall one to the beard one, according to Trevor. “You were being a giant dildo.”

They all laughed, Trevor said, then the beard one looked around and said, “Oh shit man, there are like kids everywhere, we have to chill out.”

“They didn’t hear anything,” responded the fat one, who had been silent to that point.

Trevor quickly huddled his team before continuing the football game.

“That guy just said ‘dildo,’ what’s that mean?” he asked.

After Dustin Erickson, who had learned words like “penis,” “balls,” and even “fuck” from his older brother Tom, had no answers, the game was called to a complete halt as 5th graders on both teams racked their minds for the word’s possible meaning.

“What were they talking about?” asked Tyler Undell. “Maybe it’s like Ms. Fischer said, if we don’t know a word, we can figure it out from the other words.”

Jim Goldberg, the nerd, agreed and said, “context clues are important.”

Trevor called him a nerd and elaborated on what he overheard.

“They were talking about going somewhere, and one of them didn’t go and he was being a ‘dildo,’” he explained.

“My mom won’t go places when she is tired, and she just lays on the couch and tells me to be quiet. It probably is a thing that’s tired a lot,” William Ervin told the fellow members of “Team Explorers” at McDougle Middle School.

The group generally agreed.

At press time, Trevor reportedly responded to his Mom’s refusal to go to Wendy’s on the way home from school by saying, “I understand, you probably had a long day at work. You’re just being a ‘dildo.’”