CHAPEL HILL, NC — Kyle Walters cleverly disguised a spontaneous erection in his biology lecture Tuesday by placing his hand in his pocket, covering the offending member.
“It was a particularly bad day to get a boner in class,” reported Walters, “we had a test and I didn’t want to walk to the front of a four hundred person lecture hall pitching a tent, so I was relieved when I could stick my hand in my pocket and look totally normal.”
Walters’ classmates agreed that Walters looked “pretty average” and “completely nonchalant,” as he descended the stairs of Genome Sciences 101, completed test in his right hand, unwanted erection in his left.
“I had no idea he had an erection,” said Anna Stern, “it looked like he was just a bit cocky about the exam.”
Walters reported that the ingenious maneuver was “easier than expected.”
“I knew if I stood up, I could walk it off pretty quickly, so it was mainly about hiding the boner for the first thirty seconds or so. All I had to do was kinda pin it between my hand and thigh so that it’d just look like my hand was making the bulge. I don’t know what I was worried about,” he said.
Andrew Smith, the teaching assistant collecting tests when Walters turned in his exam, said Walters’ turgid penis was “unnoticeable” under his well-placed hand. “If he had an erection, it was very inconspicuous. People walk around with one hand stuffed in their pocket all the time.”
At press time, Walters was browsing Under Amour’s collection of fitted Boxer Briefs.
“Putting my hand over my dick was a stroke of genius,” he said, “but I don’t want to play it that close again. Fitted underwear takes erection concealment to a whole new level.”