Hazy Smoke Covering Campus In No Way Related to McAdoo Leaving for NBA

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Woods near UNC-Chapel Hill


James Michael McAdoo

CHAPEL HILL, NC–According to a press release issued by the Office of the Chancellor, the smoke that clouded campus earlier this afternoon was “in no way related to James Michael McAdoo announcing he will enter the NBA draft.”

The press release took pains to clarify that “the smoke was part of a controlled burn taking place at Jordan Lake,” and that “any rumors that McAdoo sought to perform the art of ‘Rua Céilidh’ to raise his draft stock are ill-founded and not factual.”

An official notice from the North Carolina Division of Parks and Recreation about the burn was only published thirty minutes after the smoke first appeared on campus.

Joel Curran, Vice Chancellor for Communications and Public Affairs, said that the delayed notice was just a logistical error and the controlled burn had been planned for weeks.

“Someone just forgot to put out the press release,” he said. “There’s a lot of talk without a lot of facts going on around here. People should be careful at whom they point fingers…it will be remembered.”

Despite the university’s official stance, some have raised questions about this afternoon’s events.

“We all know that McAdoo needs to raise his draft stock and that there are certain ways for a player to do that–ways that we don’t talk about,” said a source close to the UNC men’s basketball team. “Boys go into the woods and come out different. Harrison Barnes didn’t play like a 7th overall pick, but he was picked 7th. Things don’t just happen by accident.”

The first suggestion of association between the burn and McAdoo appeared on the blog “Truth Cannot Hide.” The blog’s anonymous publisher,  “HillsboroughMom27,” posted that, “it is no coincidence we saw these same fires when Marvin Williams left in 2005. It is no coincidence that McAdoo could not be found on campus when the fire began.”

The post continued, saying, “long time readers of this blog KNOW that there are direct links to the other realm that can imbue men with occult powers. The foolish will believe propaganda that McAdoo was not attempting the ‘Rua Céilidh’ in the darkened woods off-campus. They will sheepishly take the overt distraction of Chancellor Folt’s new twitter account. They are trying to shield themselves from the truth right under their noses.”

Asked for his take, McAdoo rubbed his arm, partially covering what appeared to be a fresh wound, and said, “fire purifies all,” his eyes dark and expressionless.

“Belisama sees all,” he added.

At press time, a report issued by Duke University said a controlled burn is scheduled in Durham County next week, and that any smoke on Duke’s campus will have nothing to do with Jabari Parker.

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