“Social Media Is an Always-on Innovation Space,” Says Man Whose Brain Is Being Eaten by Parasitic Worm

Wolman

CHAPEL HILL, NC — Speaking to an entrepreneurship class, Cliff Thomas, a recent UNC alumnus working at a social media startup in California, described his field as “an always-on innovation space” while a ravenous parasitic worm rooted around in his brain.

“Who wants to be the next Zuckerburg?” began an enthusiastic Thomas, propping his feet up on the table in front of him and tilting his sunglasses back on his head as the worm delved deep into the hub of his central nervous system.

“I’ve run multiple Twitter and Facebook accounts for Fortune 100 brands,” he said as the worm wove its way through his frontal lobe, eating into the social media entrepreneur’s mind, “and what I have found, time and time again, is you have to be on top of your stuff. All the way from brainstorming, to mock-up, to delivery, things move fast. If you take a one-size-fits-none approach, you’re going to be behind the eight-ball in today’s social landscape.”

“The startup culture is intense,” continued the blazer-and-jeans-clad, worm-addled Thomas, “but I can tell you firsthand that it’s work hard, play hard. If you want into the game, everything starts with connections, and connections start on your social platforms. Networking is super crucial, and the payoff can be gnarly if you play your cards right.”

Thomas advocated constant connection with social media and recommended that students keep abreast of social media trends as the worm wiggled through his brain scrambling countless facets of his cognitive function.

“Tech channels move at the speed of innovation,” said Thomas as the parasite attached itself to his Broca’s area, feasting with reckless disregard. “If you’re not plugged in, then you’re falling behind. You have to constantly be asking yourself: Does my personal brand have what it takes to go viral?”

Thomas momentarily paused to check his phone as it buzzed with a message alert.

“What is social media? It’s connection at its purest form,” concluded the man whose thoughts were completely at the mercy of the worm. “Social media is the key to a successful entrepreneurial venture.”

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