Pre-Med Student Would Kill To Set Curve

CHAPEL HILL, NC – Pouring over class notes and practice tests in a seventh consecutive hour of studying for her organic chemistry final, junior pre-med student Carly Futheridge said that she would “kill to set the curve.”

“I’d do anything to get the top score,” she muttered. “Anything.”

“Med schools only want A students,” she said staring through her notebook into a middle distance, her face expressionless. “None of this matters without an A. Have to get everything A. The curve. Only A students. A student. Anything.”

UPDATE: Pre-Med Student Kills to Set Curve

Multiple sources are confirming that, at approximately 5:18 pm today, pre-med student Carly Futheridge murdered UNC sophomore Arjun Kapoor, the top student in her organic chemistry class. Kapoor, who friends and professors say aspired to a career in academic research, was found dead in his bed in Morrison Dormitory, apparently smothered to death by Futheridge, who crept into his unlocked dorm room while he was taking a nap.

Several witnesses described a person matching Futheridge’s description fleeing the scene of the crime toward Davis Library. Following the witnesses’ tips, campus police apprehended Futheridge in a Davis 5th floor cubicle at approximately 6:07 pm.

Futheridge violently resisted arrest, screaming and lunging toward the textbook and notes that lay on her desk as police dragged her away, screaming that she “need[ed] them.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s