SAN FRANCISCO, CA — After reading thousands of resumes, Genentech chose Craig Fursuth, junior chemistry major at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, to intern at their San Francisco office, reporting that his skills in Microsoft Office were “too unique to let get away.”

“We had a lot of candidates with experience in the field who would have done a great job,” said Steven Pescool, who led the intern search for Genentech. “Among such a strong pool, it’s about having an edge, something that sets an applicant apart. When we saw [Fursuth’s] skills in Microsoft Office, we knew we had someone we could not pass up.”

Pescool described seeing Fursuth’s resume for the first time.

“A lot of resumes pass by my desk. You’re a co-author on a peer-reviewed paper and interned in Silicon Valley last year–whatever, I’ve seen it. But with Fursuth’s skills in Microsoft Office, it was a no fucking brainer,” reported Pescool, who, upon seeing the resume, immediately stood up and shouted to his associate, “Johnson we’ve found our man! These aren’t just Word or Excel skills we’re talking about. This kid knows the whole fucking Suite.”

Running down the corridor to his boss’s office, Pescool yelled in CEO Tiffan Kelly’s face, “Microsoft Office Kelly, he knows Microsoft Office! He’s sure as shit going to intern here if we can get him in time, but I’m here to ask you if we can just make him a full-time offer and get him straight to work on the big stuff.”

Fursuth said developing his Office skills was a challenge that paid off.

“I set out to learn it and just naturally picked it up,” said Fursuth. “I guess you can’t teach talent.”