CARRBORO, NC — In a fatal blow to the potential best friendship of Kyle and Dave, their hands met awkwardly during their first meeting. Both avid video gamers, geology minors, and fans of the TV show “New Girl,” the two were certain to become best friends until the handshake went awry.

Kelly, a mutual acquaintance, introduced the never-to-be-friends in front of the Undergraduate Library on Thursday evening. “Kyle and Dave have so much in common, and I swear their senses of humor are identical,” she said. “For some reason, they didn’t really seem to hit it off, though. Oh well.”

“We both sort of scrambled, and I could see it happening before my eyes, but there was nothing I could do,” said Kyle of the ill-fated greeting. “I’m so alone.”