Junior Buys Box of Condoms to Replace Expired Box of Condoms

box of condoms

CHAPEL HILL, NC—Brian Bennett, junior biology major, thumbing through the contents of his wallet in the seating area of the Bottom of Lenoir before his 10 a.m. class, noticed a grey LifeStyles condom tucked between the wallet’s black leather and a gift card for Moe’s Southwest Grill. Bennett turned the condom over and read the instructions, only now noticing the small date inscribed on its side: DEC2014.

“Shit dude, I’m going to need to buy some more,” he thought to himself, seeing the condom he placed there this past Halloween, when he had thought Sarah Boland would be at Clay’s party. “Of course this would happen on LDOC. Good thing I noticed before I went out tonight.”

Bennett, who bought the condoms sometime last year, resolved to pick up a new box to replace the expired condoms before “things happen, I mean, you never know what can happen on LDOC.”

“I’ll have to replace the stash too,” Bennett thought, thinking of the other condoms in the drawer of his bedside table, out of sight from any women that might happen to open the drawer in search of a tissue, or nail-clippers or anything they might need, but close enough to be easily reachable in an intimate situation.”

“What’s even the difference between a fresh condom and an expired one?” he wondered.

Bennett resolved to go to Walgreens after class to get a new pack, especially “with the whole Megan Campolo situation, it’s LDOC, dude.”

Campolo is studying abroad next semester and many friends have told Bennett that “this is probably the last chance for [Bennett and Campolo] to get together.”

But, the two had not texted in a few days and Bennett still was not sure if that guy with the blonde hair he saw Campolo with a lot was her boyfriend.

“They always seemed to walk really close together,” Bennett thought.

Walking into Walgreens around 2:45 pm, Bennett quickly found the assortment of condoms on aisle 3.

He reached for the LifeStyles, but then put them back down. They were less expensive than the Trojans, but their packaging wasn’t nearly as colorful. Bennett mulled over the idea of a ‘ribbed’ condom for a few seconds before picking up a box. He’d go for the Durex Pleasure Pack next time, he thought. It sounded pretty cool.

Putting on a faint smile for the cashier as he checked out at the front of the store, Bennett wished he had checked the expiration date on his new box of condoms.

“It probably wouldn’t matter,” he thought. “Now that I’m done with Chem 430 I’ll have more time to get involved in Chapel Hill’s dating scene.”

When he got back to his room, Bennett decided to keep his old box of condoms even though they had expired, and put them in a different drawer of his nightstand. They were ribbed, too, he noticed. Before heading to the library, Bennett placed the new box of condoms in his top drawer, but not before checking the expiration date. JUN2015, it read. Maggie would probably be home by then.

“No,” he thought, “she’s definitely dating that guy.”

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