Jesus Girl Just Itching to Quote Bible Again, Classmates Say

christian girl 2

CHAPEL HILL, NC— Joanna Davis, sophomore philosophy major and active member of the University Presbyterian Church, has, according to her classmates, ceased to say anything of worth in her History of Ethics class since quoting The New Testament last week.

Contributing to a class conversation concerning virtue-based ethics on Tuesday, Davis offered Philippians 4:8 as an example of Christianity’s penchant for universal tenets of goodness. Since then, Davis’s classmates have found many of her comments in class “biased,” “stilted,” and “fanatical.”

“She’s clearly intelligent and her reference to scripture was spot on, analytically” said Ankita Paatni, classmate and sophomore. “I just wish she wouldn’t shove her Bible so far down my throat that I can’t breathe.”

Davis has not made any more comments related to Christianity since Tuesday, but, according to sources within the class, it is clear that she’s always itching to bring it up.

“She just loves making the rest of us feel bad,” said junior Benjamin Carulo. “When I mentioned John Elerick’s Huffington Post article about how sin doesn’t exist I saw her started scribbling down notes on her notebook. I get it, I’m going to hell. Fuck off.”

Davis, the daughter of accountant Todd Davis and nurse practitioner Linda Davis, grew up in a Christian home in Raleigh, attending church each Sunday. Her philosophy professor, Dr. Richard Reichart, has taken notice of her faith.

“Today Joanna made an astute observation regarding Nietzsche’s The Birth of Tragedy,” said Dr. Reichart. “I was impressed by her restraint. We certainly didn’t need another outburst like last week’s.

“I suppose it’s good that someone like her is at least interested in taking a philosophy course,” he added.

Davis is considering dropping History of Ethics because of her discomfort in the class, though she is not sure what triggered her peers’ quiet derision.

“One day we were all discussing the Categorical Imperative;  the next, people started rolling their eyes whenever I spoke up,” Davis said. “One guy scoffed because he thought my hand was raised while I was stretching.”

Davis’s classmates say they are disappointed that she might drop the course.

“I’ve enjoyed hearing Joanna’s perspective these past few weeks,” said sophomore Dylan French. “I also really like discussing with my friends whether we think Jesus girl has sex with her boyfriend. She totally does, right? You can tell. She is such a hypocrite.”

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Jesus Girl Just Itching to Quote Bible Again, Classmates Say

  1. Hi! I like this article a lot. I am running a subscription account for Chinese undergraduates in the U.S. It is non-profit and aims for sharing college life from different perspectives. Can I post it, and give whole credit to the Minor? Thanks a lot!

  2. Joanna,
    If you are indeed having anal sex with your boyfriend, please be careful! Dylan’s Mom was telling me that this was the way he was conceived.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s