By Fuck You | The Minor

I am not going to your shitty Sweet Frog benefit night. You fucking prick.

It’s not because of the irony of shoving frozen yogurt down your gullet in the name of child hunger, and it’s not even the subtle way you imply you are involved on campus by posting four to five statuses about it on Facebook. It’s that your benefit night benefits no one. Fuck you. You piece of absolute shit.

What are you going to make, like $12.70?

Your flyer says it is a benefit for a 5k. That doesn’t even make sense. Even if the 5k is a charity event it makes no fucking sense.

Also, Sweet Frog, really? Who in their right FUCKING mind would choose over-priced, shitty ass Sweet Fucking Frog.

Take that goddamn silver spoon of shitty pomegranate tart with a topping of golden flakes out of your stupid, stupid mouth and shove it up your ass.

I bet you didn’t even call ahead to check with Sweet Frog. They’re probably going to run out of their 10 spoons and everyone is going to have to eat with forks. Fuck you to the brink of extinction.

Oh – you made flyers? Congratulations. I did that shit in first grade when my dog ran away. He didn’t come back.

You even misspelled “Thrusday.” And you are an idiot who is not inventive enough to think of a fundraiser more effective than a benefit night.

This night will only benefit your resume. Fuck you.

No, I won’t be able to make it, but thanks for the invitation.