CHAPEL HILL, NC–Bursting from his enchanted cage three miles beneath the Old Well in a horrible conflagration of molten rock and thunder, Meshkoul, the thrice dammed dread spirit of Carolina, appeared on campus at approximately 6:00 pm today, terrorizing students and faculty alike. Sources familiar with the demon say his release has been triggered by a rare and apparently unhallowed combination of events.
“The scroll foretells that, until such a day as ‘white droves drive McCracken to the Third Condition, the Chosen War be forestalled, he who lives not by the law of this land runs to rule, and the swollen nightorb turns toward its full face, Meshkoul is to remain in his magical trap that the Coach of Jordan banished him to at the beginning the age of Light, said Hawthorne Fisher, Professor of Demonology. “This is well known.”
“But when that iniquitous hour comes to pass,” Fisher continued, “the third circle of Pentesious’s chamber shall spit forth wrath, and Meshkoul shall rise, wrecking hellfire upon the land, dashing settlements from Old West to Hojo. That’s just what we’re seeing now.”
Emitting a madness-inducing shriek and boiling the Student Union in a torrent of black bile, Meshkoul showed no sign of abating his torment at press time.
“Indeed, the scroll says that the only way to seal Meshkoul back in his prison is for ‘Dadgum, with his band of lost boys, to defeat the Rat-Lord and his Devilmen in the consecrated Dome,'” added Fisher. “We can only hope that happens soon.”